Letter to Joseph by Rev. Anthony D. Makar

Dear Joseph,

This is the season when people around the world remember the birth of
your son, Jesus. Scenes of this abound-in paintings, in Christmas
cards, in live re-enactments, and on and on. Although it seems to me
that people have tended to focus more on the baby Jesus or on his
mother Mary than on you…. So today, I’m thinking about you, you
who were in truth an integral part of things. This letter is to you.

And I have to say, it’s been difficult to learn things about you.
You aren’t the focus of the old stories. There’s just bits and
pieces: one clue here, another clue there. Which, as I think about it,
is scandalous, since you were there in Bethlehem, in the manger, when
Mary cried out in pain and Jesus was born. Were you the one who
wrapped him in swaddling clothes? Or perhaps you were able to find a
midwife at the last second, and she did that.

I can see you with your carpenter’s hands, holding the just-born
baby Jesus, who was probably all purplish-colored, with a squashed
face, squalling like a banshee. I’ll bet your smile was as big as
mine when my own daughter was born!

But I see all this through my imagination, so perhaps I’m wrong.
As I said, the stories give us only bits and pieces about you, and
that’s all we have to go on.

One thing we can be pretty sure of, though, is that you were a great
protector of your family. Matthew’s gospel tells this side of your
story. The political ruler of the land in which you lived, Judea, was
King Herod, and he was a paranoid kind of guy. Always on the lookout
for people plotting to take away his power. So you well know what
happened when the Wise Men from the East came to him asking about the
child who was destined to be a rival King of the Jews. When King Herod
heard all this, he was enraged. No way it’s gonna happen. He
decided then and there he was going to hunt you down and murder your
son, destroy your family. Anything to protect his throne.

News of this got back to you-an angel warned you. So you did what you
had to do. You got up and got out of there. Moved your family all the
way to Egypt, for safety’s sake. Only when you heard that King
Herod was dead and the coast was clear did you return home to

So what was it like? I imagine it was a long, hard road…. In my own
life, perhaps the only thing that comes closest was when my own Dad
moved me, my Mom, and my brothers all the way from Alberta Canada to
Texas back in 1979. Dad was a medical doctor, and in his opinion, the
government of Canada was making bad decisions about health care which
would really mess up his practice. Not as bad as King Herod, I know,
but it was bad enough for Dad to want to get us out of there.

That year, 1979, we celebrated Christmas with the family in Edmonton
and then got on the road. As soon as we all piled in the car, we were
missing them already. Hours later, many miles later, just outside of
Great Falls, Montana, we ran into a blizzard. Snow was coming down in
big flakes, swirling in the wind, and it piled up so fast that the
windshield wipers were useless. It got so bad that Dad had to stick
his head out of the window to see anything. I’ll never forget how
his beard caught snow and he ended up looking like a crazed Santa
Claus. We crept forward, passed one car after another that had spun
out of control on the slick highway-but Dad didn’t want to stop
because, besides being an experienced driver in the northern wilds of
Canada, we were also only five miles outside of Great Falls and we
could just taste the promise of a hotel room. And Dad did it. We made
it safe and sound. He brought us through.

He was our protector that day and throughout our long journey. What it
must have taken out of him! To pull up roots and move all the way from
Alberta to Texas-and then the journey itself, with all the dangers.
Joseph, you know it well, moving your family as you did to Egypt and
then back home again.

You’d be happy to know that, because of this and all the other
ways you protected your family against harm, you’ve become
legendary. For Catholic Christians today, you are viewed as nothing
less than protector of the Universal Church. That’s how they see

All I know, Joseph, is that you held the baby Jesus in your arms
moments after he was born, when he was all purplish, his face
squished, squalling like a banshee-and I’ll bet that you swore
then and there that you would do anything to protect that child.
That’s what parents do.

Which leads me to wonder. What you would do if you returned to us in
the here and now and saw how today’s versions of King Herod
don’t so much want to kill Jesus as use him as a political tool to
further their own plots and plans? How they use religion as an excuse
to do cruel things that he himself would have hated? Did you know

Joseph, you are the protector. Inspire us today to protect the memory
of Jesus against those who would abuse it. 2000 years after his death,
he is still vulnerable, still in need of safeguarding.

Of course, it’s easy to protect someone when he or she is a
helpless baby in your arms. I admit that. It gets far more difficult
when babies learn how to move around on their own, when they grow into
children and then into youth. All along the way, they’re making
more and more decisions of their own, and we can’t live their
lives for them. I know you know what I’m talking about. A couple
of stories come to mind which suggest as much.

There’s two of them. The first one comes from a piece of writing
called the Infancy Gospel of Thomas (which is ancient but not part of
the official Bible). According to the story, there was a time when
your son got into the habit of using his miraculous powers but to do
bad things. How old was he at the time? Four? Five? He’d be
playing with a playmate, and they’d start to annoy him, and when
that happened, your son would use his God powers to strike them dead.
Just like that.

The rest of the story says that the parents of Jesus’ dead
playmates, and others, were obviously upset with what was happening
and so they went to you, pled with you to do something. Reign Jesus
in. Teach him to use his miracle powers for good and not for ill….
And you tried. You sat Jesus down and reasoned with him, but he
wouldn’t listen, he was all fidgety and distracted. So you got
irritated. You yanked his ear, and in response, Jesus growled at you
and said in a voice big with warning: Do Not Vex Me!

That’s the first story. Here’s the second, and this one does
appear in official Christian scriptures. In this story, Jesus is 12,
and you and your wife Mary traveled to Jerusalem to celebrate Passover
at the Temple. You went with a big caravan with lots of people and
tents, so when you were on the return journey back home, you just
assumed he was there somewhere, even if you didn’t happen to see
him. But soon enough, you realized your error. He wasn’t with the
caravan. You left him back in Jerusalem. Panic struck both you and
Mary. Your blood pressure went way up. You rushed back to the city and
went looking for him. And finally, you find him: he’s in the
Temple, sitting with the teachers, asking them questions about ethics
and religion and answering theirs. Do you remember what Mary said when
you finally got to him? She said, “Jesus, we’ve been in a
state of panic ever since we realized you weren’t with the
caravan. Why have you treated us like this? We’ve been looking all
over for you!” And then Jesus, your twelve year old son, the one
whose beard was just starting to come out in faint whisps, said, in
the uppity way that many 12 year olds have perfected, “Why,
mother, why were you searching for me? Did you not know that I was in
my Father’s house?”

Oh, Joseph. This brings to mind something that another famous Dad,
named Bill Cosby, once said. Responding to the sass of his own kids,
he said, “Listen, I brought you into this world, and I can take
you out!”

I just want you to know that I appreciate the stories where you are
trying to teach Jesus ethics and a sense of thoughtfulness for others.
It’s one thing to be a protector, but it’s another thing to
teach your kids how to make good choices. It’s the difference
between fishing for them and teaching them how to fish for themselves.
And clearly, you succeeded. If, as a child, Jesus used his God powers
recklessly and cruelly, when he was older he used them to heal and to
bless. If, as a teenager, Jesus wasn’t very thoughtful towards
others, as an adult his example of thoughtfulness would transform
billions of lives.

Fact is, all our children have powers. Maybe not miraculous powers,
but powers that can still harm or heal. Joseph, teach us to be
courageous in our parenting and mentoring, especially in those moments
when our kids growl at us, Do Not Vex Me! Help us to lay out
fair and clear boundaries and then consistently keep them. You know
what’s at stake. It’s about helping our children and youth
learn how to use their freedom in a way that will be a blessing to the
world. There is all the difference in the world between empowerment
and abandonment. Freedom that is healthy and creative just won’t
happen automatically on its own. Thanks for being such a great parent,
both you and Mary.

And I have to say that my admiration for you only increases in light
of how you responded to the shady circumstances of Jesus’ birth.
You had not yet had intimate relations with Mary, though you were
engaged to be married; and so, when you heard the news of her
pregnancy, you must have felt wave after wave of shame. Talk about the
violation of a social taboo. Given your culture and time, I just
can’t imagine how your response could have been any different. It
was the sort of thing that would have made people treat you like a
joke. Yet your first impulse was to divorce Mary quietly so as to
minimize her pain. You could have thrown her to the wolves, but you
didn’t. You were kind.

And then something happened that changed your mind. This unborn child,
who was not yours-you decided to accept it as your own. Why? What
changed your mind?

Matthew’s gospel says that it was an Angel of the Lord. It
appeared to you in a dream and said, “Joseph, son of David, do
not be afraid to take Mary as your wife, for the child conceived in
her is from the Holy Spirit. She will bear a son, and you are to name
him Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.” Joseph,
did that really happen? Tell it to me straight.

I was reading Joseph Campbell the other day-that great teacher of
world mythology-and he said that the “virgin birth” story is
actually Greek in origin and has nothing to do with physical birth.
Instead, it’s a way of symbolizing the birth of the spiritual
self, which happens not through physical intercourse but by hearing
the word of God or words of wisdom and compassion and truth. Joseph
Campbell then went on to say that the early Christian writers wanted
to emphasize the fact that Jesus was a spiritual hero, and so,
naturally, they incorporated the virgin birth theme into his story.
Which, subsequently, was immediately misunderstood and confused with
physical birth. People took the symbol of “virgin birth”
literally, and so ever since, we’ve been scratching our heads
trying to understand how any physical pregnancy could happen through
the Holy Spirit.

But I’m talking about historical developments that happened long
after you had died, Joseph, long after even Jesus had died.
Matthew’s gospel, which talks about the virgin birth, was written
50 to 60 years after Jesus’ death. That’s when the early
Christian writers drew from Greek religion to try to make sense of the
amazing life your son.

Again, it all happened long after you were gone. And so I want to ask
you, once again: what really did happen to change your mind? What
moved you to accept this unborn child who was not yours? I mean,
let’s just be honest: if in truth the child was not yours, it had
to have been the child of another man.

But you didn’t care. You adopted him as your own. You raised him
as your own. He was in danger, and you protected him. He growled at
you, Do Not Vex Me, and you did not abandon him. He was
thoughtless, and you did not just let him run wild, but parented him
and mentored him so that he would grow up strong and beautiful and

Joseph, I wish you were here and now so you could speak to me. Perhaps
what happened is that you saw something that takes some people years
and years to figure out. That in the end, our children are not truly
ours. They may be tied to us in a biological sense, but this can never
mean that we own them and can do what we want with them. Each child
belongs, ultimately, to the world; and each one brings something
completely new into it. In the end, whoever we are to the children and
youth around us-parents and grandparents, aunts and uncles, teachers
and friends and congregation-our job is to be good stewards of these
gifts to the world, to help our children develop and grow so that
their gift can be given.

Joseph, you fathered Jesus. Biology did not matter. Family, you knew,
has more to do with love than with anything else. You took Jesus in,
and because of your love and Mary’s, Jesus grew to know that above
all, who he was was a son of God. God’s son, loved with a love
that never ends. Teach us, Joseph, to help our children realize this
love directly and unforgettably for themselves, too. That they are
sons and daughters of all that is Holy.

Blessings to you this day, Joseph, in this sacred season when your
child was born.

I’m yours sincerely,